Thursday, March 29, 2007

Le Weekend presents: The Weekend

Friday March 30
Planning for someday having blog readers in Greensboro here. Drive to Greensboro (even if you live there, leave and drive back) and find Two Art Chicks (the place, not the chicks) at 609 S. Elm Street. Because that's what we'll* be doing. Requires $5 and an arrival around let's say 10pm.

(*We = Le Weekend, The Good Players, Secret Message Machine, Erin's parents)

Saturday March 31
Now drive to Chapel Hill (same deal) to catch Le Weekend again with the likes of some great stuff:
  • DC Nahm - Does anyone remember laughter?
  • MC Crash - Does anyone remember Jowls on a Plane?
  • DJ Nastyboots - Does anyone suddenly realize a certain conceit didn't have the staying power to cover even three things?
Again 5 bucks, again around 10pm. But see? Just try to fault this show for variety.
And there was also a nice write up on the Saturday show here.

I love you but I've chosen wolf,


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Does Your Hometown Care?

I was searching for the hip-hop term for Winston-Salem(tre-fo) on the Urban Dictionary and discovered that lots of folks hate where they live.

Winston-Salem, NC
A city in the SE United States in North Carolina. Known far and wide as a nexus of the asinine, and for being bereft of any pleasurable activities or passtimes; typically the youth of the city resort to such things as loitering, frittering, idling, trifling, and dawdling around with a blank stare. Most prominant landmark is the "Penile Tower".

Danville, VA
Danville VA is a town where societys standards are as low as they come. It's a town where kids wear the shirts of bands they are going to see, where men in their mid 20's date 16 year old girls and adorn themselves homeade armor and prance around in mosh pits, where "hip" coffee shops host metal bands and middle aged men playing MIDI van morrison covers on their 100 dollar yamaha keyboards. Yes this sounds terrible but i promise it only gets worse. The counterculture pride of this town was their "amazing punk scene" which consisted of a few 15 year kids playing out of tune power chords on squier strats through 15 watt amps and the same shitty drummer in every band playing the same shitty kit. The metal scene is equally bad, and is always atleast 5 years out of date, to emphasise this, nu metal is still considered "new". All decent shows booked by one of the few decent kids living in the area are overlooked and anyone that dosen't listen to the same 3 bands is "emo".

Another Danville:
the town that supports the gangsta' rap industry. populated primarily by upper class whites who drive late-model german cars.

Durham, NC
The dirtiest town South of Talahassee(huh?-ed). Commonly known as D-TOWN, or dirty dtown, its home of emo kids, bad weed, and an enormous amount of faux-gangstas. see wankstas It it surrounded by the upper class dukies of Croasdaile and the ghetto. Home to the Duke Lacrosse rape-scandal, and the most famous minor league baseball team, The Durham Bulls, as seen in the movie, "Bull Durham." It is also full of those granola-crunching hippies commonly found on 9th street and in Whole Foods. Were famous for housing Michael Peterson, Centerfest, the Duke Blue Devils, and bad football.
"I live in durham.""I'm sorry."

Raleigh, NC
a boring little town full of suburbs. dont go there. go somewhere more dangerous like durham or winston salem. you might actually stay awake there. raleigh is full of preps too. people dont like white trash, but id rather be with a whole bunch of beer chuggin mullet wearers than the ibm engineer folks who flooded this town anyday. the white trash here is pretty open minded actually and fun. FUN!
bill: hey lets stop here in raleigh and get something to eat.bob: or we could stop in smithfield and eat barbecue.bill: sounds good to me.

Strangely, High Point had no entry and Goldsboro's was pretty positive. I did find this though.


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

At last...

World premiere of The Nein's "Attitude and Mirrors". Starring AP members DC Nahm as the dancing gorilla (not the walking gorilla), RPBjR as the freak running through the hallway and the freak freakin' the gorilla on the dancefloor, and Matt Kalb! as a surgeon.

Also featuring:
Josh Carpenter-Morrison
Cy Rawls
Dave Cantwell
Kerry Cantwell
Stingy Jones
Shana Ratner
Alice Abed
Chris Rossi
Bob Wall
Erin Sale
Ben Ridings
Paola Simone Cook

Turn up the bass on your computer speakers and let the desk rattle.

The Death of Comedy



Enjoy the beauty of Spring with all your basic types of things: prog-pop, hip-hop, beat-box, and good jocks (vowel supremacy was bowed to).
I was visited by an angel last night in a dream or something and he said, "Le Weekend, the great spirit of pure music and thought brings you this gift--but you must use the power wisely because you some times are a real tool. Don't be a dick." And I wasn't.

Streets will flow with blood.

Friday, March 23, 2007

--Hey, so, do you want to come over to my place. With the wind howling in his ears outside of the club. INFINITY II. It would be closed in a month. The velvet rope was shabby. There was no-one waiting to get inside.
--Ok. Well... Somewhat less than interested in anything.
--Oh, come on. You've never seen it. I cleaned... The grit of hair, carefully prepared, would creak at moments when rubbed.
--...I bet you did! Or something such as that.

--Dear me... When light unexpectedly refracted off of that which had not been expected. They moved as one.
--Oh, sorry, I should have warned you that I, well, I mean... At a loss to explain, but what is there in fact to explain when the whole of the condition spoke for itself, or at least revealed itself, as it moved as one.
--I can't; I can't do this. Perhaps choked with fear, but still uninterested in the contours of said fear, but unable to take eyes off of it as it moved as one.
--No, listen. The sound of one moving nearly drownding out.
--Let go of me. But there wouldn't even be a bruise, but only a story that one time no mark was left but let me tell you about how it moved as one.
--They aren't who you think they are. Creeping as one.--I know this is hard for you to understand. Spring would always seem devoid of whimsy.
--I just can't believe tha you haven't told me until now. A curdled milk would waft from father's mouth, but this, not that is what is making skin seem so unreal right now.
--I just didn't want you to think... There is void.
--Think, think! What about us. What about the company we started together. We have a fiduciary dutie to one another. Willows the boys had called some thing foul spored into the air a scent that he'd not ever noticed, but his mother had, often, when he made the crackling sound, night after night.
--Is that the only kind of duty you have to me... Lights are fibers.
--No, listen, stop. I didn't mean it like that. The throat constricts to contain sound so that it might have meaning, though it does not.
--There is something else I need to tell you. Then, bounding 'round.

--Dear God. A dolphin book.
--That doesn't even begin to cover it. Worn pages.
--Who are you? Inscribed.
--I can't say, but I can let you know that there is something going on you don't know about. Returned for store credit.
--What is it? A dolphin book.
--...! 1964.

--Shut the Fuck Up and Talk about Pears!

--I like this, this silence, this hollow sound of nothing. Your teeth there, splayed like light that's tired from traveling the distance from the Sun to here, ancient light, or at least seconds old. I never knew this is what happened to baby teeth. He seemed to jitter, standing there, as he words unspooled onto the floor in a cranberry blast, pooling, and the slits of light dismayed even his own eyes.

--Death. No, not that, but something else. A deep blue. I tend to forget, you know?
--I don't understand. I get up in the morning and it seems as though there is not only one less day ahead of me, but one less behind me too.
--I knew a girl when I was in school with patchy marks on her face. Her teeth covered in mud. My teachers' names.
--I can call her name. The names of girls I used to love.
--Tako? The sidewalk in front of the house, rambled with crucks, chunks guttering owld.
--No, we shouldn't. I florget and them a ramble combles around.
--What would be left? What would be left?
--Of us?

Too Fast, you're too fast

The Great Nate Florin of Chicago alerted me to this, " Vince
Neil is going to be at a North Side branch of my local
liquor store for the debut of his new line of tequila.

I suppose that if there is any man who knows his
tequila, it's Vince. No word on whether any members of
Hanoi Rocks will be present at the signing"

Yeah, I guess if Vince were going to do this, it's best that he waited over 20 years after that tragic accident. I'm guessing he's assuming if this worked for Sammy Hagar, then it can work for him...but keep in mind Vince had a sex tape "accidentally" leaked to the public after Tommy Lee and Pam's sex tape created such a frenzy...didn't really do much for Vince I don't think.

Because I couldn't find a Good Enough Picture of Linc

Not to steal Clint's thunder, but

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Clint Newman

So, I knew the guys that lived across the hall from Jacob were cool, because I would be in the hall and could hear good music that I liked coming through their door. Then I was in class with one of the guys and I kept wearing my seBADoh T-shirt to see if he would talk to me; because, you know, I was just to shy to start talking to a guy, plus you know how it is when people come up to you and want to talk and stuff and say shit like, "Oh, yeah you like music. I do to. We should hang out and jam," and you know they don't like good music, or maybe they have one good CD because their sister's boyfriend liked it and they have it then they have a shitload of crappy CDs that they want to loan you because they are sure you would like it but you know that you won't because the cover looks like total shit. So I couldn't just talk to him. But then he talked to me and I said, "Yeah, I thought I heard you listening to like the Sliver Joos or Royal Trux or something." Then I tried to loan him a Palace CD but he already had it. Later, I learned he had Palace CDs like no-one's business. Even later, I ate ants while walking to his off-campus apartment with some people. They were good times. Almost later than anything ever, he, Matt and I were in a band and we were really good and recorded a demo that was really awesome, and then a record that was good but I didn't ever hear it. They stayed up all night the last night, drinking and doing vocals, but I was trying to go to bed becasue I had to work and I was mad because they kept coming in, drunk, to tell me how awesome the record was, and waking me up, but also I was mad because they got to stay up and hang out and I had to sleep, on the floor too, becaue I didn't have a bed at the time. They were still good times.

This weekend the Tropic of Food salutes the achievements of CLINT NEWMAN.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

GBV vs SPAM Answers

I think y'all figured them out, unless you were saying "158 years of Beautiful Sex" was spam, cause it's not, it's from "Tonics and Twisted Chases". But maybe that's what you were saying Clint.

Be As Jacobs
Troposphere Fake
Can Drive
Wanna Check It Out
Been Here Or Not
Torture Any Violent
Splatter Advent
Dickey Wanted Zora
Game Leisure Suit
To Kraft As Turkish
Safe Atmosphere
Of Roundhouse On
Sex Can Be Enjoyable
Swingers In Your Town
Maybe It's The Best time
Television Man Love

Bread Alone
A Portrait Destroyed By Fire
3 Year Old Man
Paper Girl
Dying To Try This
The Qualifying Remainder
158 Years of Beautiful Sex
Pink Gun
Big School
Long Distance Man
The Hard Way
Blatant Doom Trip
When She Turns 50
Club Molluska
She Goes Off At Night
Systems Crash

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Today's Quiz: GBV vs. Spam Mail

Hey Boys and Girls,
Today's Quiz! See if you can figure out if the phrases below are titles of spam emails I've received or titles to Guided by Voices songs. Have fun. I'll post the answers later this week.
Troposphere Fake
Paper Girl
Club Molluska
Of Roundhouse On
Blatant Doom Trip
Television Man Love
When She Turns 50
The Hard Way
The Qualifying Remainder
Sex Can Be Enjoyable
Safe Atmosphere
Maybe It's The Best time
Bread Alone
3 Year Old Man
Splatter Advent
Big School
Be As Jacobs
A Portrait Destroyed By Fire
Dickey Wanted Zora
Dying To Try This
Game Leisure Suit
Pink Gun
Systems Crash
Swingers In Your Town
158 Years of Beautiful Sex
Torture Any Violent
She Goes Off At Night
Can Drive
Long Distance Man
Wanna Check It Out
To Kraft As Turkish
Been Here Or Not

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Friday, March 09, 2007

AP Exclusive

Watch as the instrument-switching behemoth that is AP barrel through their new arrangment of Moby's "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad".

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

It was early in my life, when I was but a little boy growing up on a placid street in a small town in a small state that hovered just above Indiana--we called it Skytopia, but maybe it was listed as something else on you Atlas. I don't know. Anyway, it was when I was young is all I am saying. And perhaps I was too young, that would be for my mother to decided, but I had a great time. Playing all day with the guys in the neighborhood. They beat my head into the gutter as my other self hid in a Magnolia tree. Later, when I had children of my own, I would know what it was like to leave them, but at the time I didn't know what it was like for my father. I am getting off track. Anyway: My one desire had been to have a nice dinner. All day, without eating. So I got to [redacted] and ordered some food. It smelled like shoe polish and my stomach was chrppng.

There was a woman, I noticed, alone in the bathroom. That is when I realized that I was not in the Men's room. I actually don't remember getting up and going, but I was there. This is analogous to birth--but is the inverse of death. In any case, the story continued while I thought of and this was the up shot of it all: [but] she didn't see me.

Her voice was a laconic purr and her purse was full of clickity change. I capered and she tossed pennies at me. This is where the laughs began. I forgot my hunger and we scooted, not paying our bill or even ordering food.

We got very close.

Perhaps, too close.

I had to call my close personal friend, Kells, bail me out. He said, "I got a solution" said R. Kells and he rubbed it on my knees which were making pale little bubbles of foam. This was the first indication of my problem to come. All of this was earlier, when I was first learing about life, and R. Kells, the DL himself, was teaching me, out on a playground, dovered in woodchips. I still have them in my teeth. But I called him and knew that he'd know what to do.

His breath always smelled like firs in spore--or whatever it is plants do to get warm. I didn't know. I slept through school.

Kells was a man.

So Kells, the woman and I, we ended up in a tight spot, partially becaues of Kells's miscaluclations (regarding the precise definition of infinity and arrest record) and partially because we thought it would be fun to play on the net. Foolish me. I should have known. Don't play on a net, and don't hang out with TUNAS.

I got a call on my cell phone from the caste of Scarecrow: The Secret (thanks Oprah), but I had my ringer turned off. That's not all that was turned off.

Then something fantastic happend. The woman, Kells and I were in her car, a late model horse, this all being long after the other occurences that happened to us, that we did not incur, but before the explosion of course,--and we were overtaken by a spirit of human dignity I hadn't felt since kinderschool. Perhaps my mother could love me now--of only she would reach out.

Then we got jacked.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Thoughts on a Tuesday

1) Spoons should only be used for breakfast foods. There is no reason for spoons to be used at other meals. I don't care about soup. That isn't my problem. You figure it out. In fact, spoons are the only tool that should be used at breakfast--no more forks or knives. If it doesn't work with a spoon it isn't breakfast.

2) I'm not wild about Orange as a color, especially dark Orange. I think we can do better. In my memory, everything is painted seafoam green, but I bet there was some Orange somewhere. I am pretty sure the carpet in my parents kitchen, before they divorced, was Orange. I don't know what color it was after the divorce. I don't know why we had carpet in a kitchen. There was also floral wallpaper in my parents' room. They started to tear it down so they could put something less disgusting up, but they stopped half way because there wasn't any need to finish.

3) Same with Fuscia. Did I spell that right? I don't care--it isn't a real color and doesn't deserve letters in any particular order.

4) I was walking up the hill to school on Sunday and crossed the road, but when I got halfway across I saw that there was a whole dead deer laying on the sidewalk on the otherside. I am glad I noticed it because if I'd gotten too close to it I am sure I would have caught the milk-sickness. Recently I had the norovirus and a kind of strep culture that doesn't cause strep throat. I am pretty sure now my immune system is so strong that I could cure people just by walking past them in the mall.

5) I was in a restaurant on Saturday night, getting a to-go order of food--so I could eat in the Nightlight--and there were two men, in their 40's/50's next to me. They really wanted to get UNC-Duke tickets. They were drunk and obnoxious. They kept stopping the waitress working the bar, where I was waiting to place my to-go order, and asking her to get the manager to call the owner to knows some guy he knows who scalps tickets. They talked loudly about how expensive the tickets were. They just wouldn't let it go and all I wanted to do was eat. I had a ticket, a student ticket to the game, and I seriously considered turning to them and saying, "Hey, I heard you all talking. I have a ticket I don't need" and giving it to them. They would think that I was a great person but I would know that they wouldn't be able to get into the game since it was a student ticket. I just wanted them to shut up with the waitress so I could get some food. I was so hungry. I did not give them the ticket, or talk to them, though I did glare when they were looking away from me.

Later, I did give my ticket to a guy I am in school with, and as far as I know, he had a good time.

6) I just threw away my spoon, but I wasn't done with it yet. Now I have no spoon to eat my yogurt with. What am I to do. Live-blogging sorrow.

7) The top of the yogurt container, fashioned into a scooping device is the second tool allowed to eat breakfast with. No others. Not even cups. If you can't drink it out of a spoon or a yogurt top fashioned into a scooping device, you can't use it.

8) When I was a young man, about eleven years old, I would get really depressed every Sunday. I was depressed because the weekend was over and therefore the opportunities that week for me to have an exciting adventure or to meet a girl who loved me were over. I don't know why I got depressed. The only time I ever actually did anything with anyone was during the week--I spent the weekends alone. I remember one time, the depression was extra bad because I realized that Hayley Mills wasn't my age, but was in factmy mother's age and at that point much older than I was.

At the time, my family lived in a house that backed up to the drive in. Though there were trees, I could see little bits of the screen, and could hear all of the personal-car-speakers. I would open my window at night and sit with my telescope, trying to make out what was going on. They showed mostly sub-Sleepaway Camp style slasher movies, so the evening air was filled with the buzzing of chainsaws and sheiks of horror.

I never saw anything good, but I didn't really know how to work the telescoope either so, what was I expecting?

9) If a yogurt top scoop does not work, it is permissible to root around in the staff (not faculty) breakroom for another eating tool--preferably a spoon, but if not available, a fork, if it is clear plastic and not metal. No metal forks. Ever.

Monday, March 05, 2007


I went skeet shooting this past weekend courtesy of K-Love of T-Bone. I couldn't help but notice that even while surrounded by old white dudes, many hip hop lyrics kept popping up in my mind. The sound of the rifle being cocked and loaded, the gun blasts all reminded me of various sampled sound effects I still hear at hip hop shows. The fact that there was a "trap house", and of course the "skeet release". Lil' John was certainly on my mind... I have to say that shooting stuff is awesome! Shooting at people, not cool, but a little orang disc flying through the air, awesome!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

In current events

You know, this really isn't a funny situation (protesters in St. Petersburg this weekend being attacked and arrested by police during a rally that dared to criticize Putin and the Kremlin), but can your grandma do this to riot police? I didn't think so.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Those talented Roehrigs....

Ladies and gentlemen, please take the time to support RIKK's long-lost cousin Caleb Roehrig in the absolutely top-notch production of a very serious film, "Scarecrow Gone Wild".

NOTE: Caleb does not play this particular scarecrow in this particular poster, even though he is possessed by the soul of a scarecrow. In fact, this particular pictured scarecrow is not in the movie; neither, for that matter, is the semi-hot chick behind him. Nor is the circus in the background, and, come to think of it, neither are any of the fonts utilized on this poster.

A few reviews from Netflix viewers who actually took the time to put this in their queue (which obviously takes more effort than actually spending time at Blockbuster and passing up not one, but TWO horror movies about Sasquatch


and "Clawed: The Legend of Sasquatch"] before settling on said scarecrow flick):
--"A straight to video horror disaster. The cast seems to have had some fun filming this which helps, but it's still pretty bad. The ending is lifted straight from the Freddy Vs Jason flick & is very silly & badly executed. The cast are all very attractive people to look at, but overall this is a bad b-movie in the not so bad its good sense."
(ed. note: no one in the movie is remotely attractive.)

--"I kept seeing this DVD at Wal-Mart (yeah, King B Man shops at WallyWorld) I came pretty close to buying this film, but decided to rent it instead. You know you are in trouble when Ken Shamrock turns in the best performance in this film. This movie is made for people who actually pay-per-viewed such cinematic crap as Bikini Island instead of waiting for the title to appear on late night Cinemax. Gee I wonder who would do that?"
(ed. note: this is quite possibly Stingy's review.)

--"This was the worst movie I have ever seen. The movie went from the corn field to the beach. What the heck was the scarecrow doing at the beach. And he could swim. The sound effects sucked and it combined too many other movie ideas. It was REALLY bad. Any other movie is better than this."
(ed. note: the instantaneous cornfield-to-beach transition, which occasionally meanders into cornfield-to-beach-to-forest territory, is quite geographically impossible in most of North America, isn't it?)

Friday, March 02, 2007

More Enjoyments

1) Here are some videos of songs that, though probably not released last year, I enjoyed quite a bit in the last year (some of these require not watching the video to enjoy--I will leave it up to you to figure out which):

Harlan "Computer Games Under the Sun": Harlan is close personal friends with AP and we can't say enough how good they are. Here is a first video. This is one to watch. JHN is a man with a single minded vision of anthropomorphic spray bottles. And hooks.

Wolf Parade "Shine a Light": This is a great song off of a good album. Perhaps the album would seem better to me over all if this one song weren't so brilliantly great that it made the rest seem just good. The unfortunate down side of greatness. Effects in this video courtesy of Troll 8.

XTC "Respectable Street": Actually, I listen to Apple Venus all the time, but I couldn't find anything from that record, so here is something else. You can't go wrong with XTC, except for several songs that I won't mention.

Arcade Fire "Rebellion (Lies)": This is a great song that sold me on their first record. Perhaps some folks won't like it, but this right up my style. This makes me want to own a car so I could drive it around small, liberal arts college campuses in the spring with the windows down, hoping to see people I know.

Ariel Pink "Kate I Wait": This song is sorrow/beauty incarnate. I wish I could make music like this. Radio romance as Lovecraftian horror (but isn't it always?).

Bob Dylan "Jokerman": I couldn't find the regular video, which is righteous, so you get a different kind of wonder. Dylan's brilliance is in the destruction.

Geto Boys "My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me": I've already told you why this is great.

Tom Petty "A Face in the Crowd": And you shouldn't need to be told about this. I like to play along on my Squire with Full Moon Fever, and this is my favorite song to solo over. When I was in HS, when FMF came out, I would stay up late listening to Double Q, hoping to hear this song.

XTC "King for Day": Two is good for you.

Joni Mitchell "Coyote": I can't explain it.

Band of Horses "The Great Salt Lake": I thought their LP was pretty good, and this was my favorite song on it. Yes, it reminds me of the Red House Painters and as such, reminds me of driving around the country side, the Summer before college began, with windows down, listening to reverb for reverb's sake.

Warmer Milks "Live in Lexington": Bringing poppies to Europe again.

Art Brut "Emily Kane": If I'd had this song in HS, it would have made its way onto a 2 volume mixtape that would have been regretted as soon as it was delivered.

Mendoza Line "It's a Long Line": This is, suprisingly the only ML video I could find, except for a Firefly tribute set to another song. But I like looking at Clint sit.

The Lemonheads "My Drug Buddy": Every year.

Guided by Voices "Auditorium" and "Motor Away": And also every year.

Peter, Bjorn and John "Young Folks" It just sounds really good. Clip clop clap.

The Nein "Burn Construction": I know people on YOUTUBE. I am famous.

2) There were no videos for the following that I could find:

The Breakfast Meals: Because pop is the best. Every dorm and taped together Volvo should be rocking "Shanty Town."
On the Take: Eyebleeding robots are people after all.
Destroyer: There should be videos, but you know you can't just search for "Destroyer."
Grappling Hook: Maybe everything that dies one day comes back. (Also, be sure [Al B. Sure!] to pick up the new Torch Marauder cd/dblep Triceratops/Can I Get a Lift? and not just because I play guitar on it, but because I play guitar and piano on it.)