Thursday, August 30, 2007

Samuel L. Jackson

Over the past few weeks I've seen Samuel L. Jackson on several different talk shows. Nothing really extraordinary about that. He has a new movie out, so he's plugging it. The appearance on Letterman was great as usual, he mentioned where he would swim near his home as a child in Tennessee. Craig Ferguson was even good. I think I saw him on Conan...The one that sticks out though is the Henry Rollins show! Have I mentioned on here how much I love that show? I don't care if it seems trite or if it boils down to who the William Morris Agency can fetch for him, I like it.

Now back to Samuel. I had read a brief mention once of his past issues with drug addiction prior to becoming a known actor. On the Rollins show, he not only mentioned it, he went into detail of his involvement with Black Nationalist/radical groups in the late '60's. Buying guns with stolen credit cards, witnessing a car he was about to get into blow up and have the FBI deny any knowledge of setting the bomb. Then there was his time back then in Atlanta when The Man cleared the city of all drugs except heroin. Getting blitzed was part of his crew's m.o. so if the tar was all that was available, that's what they took, and it's hard to do anything radical while smacked up.

I don't recall him using any of the cussing...I didn't know anything of interest could be done on cable vision with no curses. Shit.

Ohhhh, I Was Invited to a Party!

Anyone else receive the invitation I attached here? I'm not sure how these people know me...but I guess it was inevitable:


From: "TEAM LUAU"
To: whitetrashluau@hotmail.com
Subject: 07 WTL
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2007 13:52:55 -0400

DO NOT DISTRIBUTE THIS INFO

WHITE TRASH LUAU 07 - SEPT 21-22-23
*CAMPING STARTS AT HIGH NOON FRIDAY
YOUR ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF
5000 ACRES OF MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS @ 4000 FT
& your CAMPING - SO FUCKIN ACT LIKE IT

HERE AER THE RULES - BREAK EM & YOUR DONE
NO GLASS BOTTLES - put it in a two litre or NALGENE
NO TRASH - LEAVE NO TRACE ~ TAKE YOUR TRASH OFF MOUNTAIN
NO TRASH or Bottles or GLASS OR CANS IN ANY FIRE PIT -
NO TENT NO BAG = NO LUAU - OVERNIGHT CAMPING REQUIRED
NO VEHICLES IN CAMPING AREA-NONE NADA-PACK LITE MEANS YOU
NO GUEST UNLESS APPROVED PRIOR TO LUAU BY ME ~
NO LEAVING - OVERNIGHT CAMPING IS REQUIRED
NO FIREARMS NO PAINTBALL NO SUPERSOAKERS -
NO ARRIVING AFTER 9*PM SATURDAY
NO GLASS BOTTLES - AND NO BUSTING GLASS - I SEE IT = YOUR DONE
NO TRASH NO CAN BOTTLES GLASS ECT IN FIRE PITS - CLEAN YOUR PIT
NO SLEEPING IN VEHICLES - NO TENT STAY HOME
NO SCARFING MY DRY STACKED WOOD BY THE PROPANE GRILL
NO NEW FIRE PITS
NO QUARTER ON THE TRASH - MAKE IT HAPPEN OR YOU WONT BE BACK
- QUIET HOURS ENFORCED 2:30 AM TILL SUN UP

READ THIS TOO:

__WET WIPES
__TENT & SLEEPBAG
__FLASHLIGHT W/ FRESH BATTERIE
__Water- H20 - AQUA - Bottled water
__CHARCOAL/GAS Hibachi - Portable grill
__ICE -
__COOLER -
__FOOD
__FIREWOOD - BRING SOME DRY WOOD
__GLOWSTICKS- OPTIONAL darkness eliminator
__Rain GEAR - cause it always does
__DRY SOCKS - not gettin mine


*FRIDAY: 8PM BANDS SET UP/MEET & GREET~
myspace.com/thedigitssuperrock
myspace.com/leestreet4piece (riots)
myspace.com/heevahava

*SAT:SET TIME 40MINS Bands:.....MORE AS WE GET EM
myspace.com/leestreet4piece (riots)
myspace.com/thebiblebeaters
myspace.com/thefuryheat
myspace.com/porcelainsmileband
myspace.com/stations99
myspace.com/blackknots

(TENTATIVE)
myspace.com/blackjackandthelonghaulers
myspace.com/thebottlebabies
myspace.com/thewadinggirl
myspace.com/thewilkesproject
myspace.com/thedeviltones
myspace.com/atomicdrops

====================================
DIRECTIONS ...FIND MAP OF SW VIRGINIA
ROANOKE I-81 EXIT 118C VA-TECH EXIT RTE 460W
460W TO GILES COUNTY 3MILES IN LOOK FOR "MT LAKE"
SIGN RIGHT TURN ON RT 700 MT LAKE HOTEL....7 MILES TO HOTEL
GO TO LOWER END OF LAKE THE ROAD WINDS THRU HOTEL ESTATE
AND FOLLOWS THE LAKE ON THE LEFT SIDE AT THE LOWER
END OF THE LAKE BY THE BOAT HOUSE THE TWO LANE TURNS
TO GRAVEL - FOLLOW GRAVEL 2 LANE APPROX.
1 MILE - LUAU WILL BE OFF TO THE LEFT THROUGH A GATE
WITH A SIGN / ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK/ITS POSTED PROPERTY
PARK INSIDE THE GATE - WALK TO CAMP AREA 1/4 MILE to STAGE
USE SHUTTLE TRUCK FOR CAMPING AND BAND GEAR
MOUNTAIN LAKE VIRGINIA STYLE ---- betcha pull GIT LIT

Monday, August 20, 2007

In honor of Stingy's newly returned ability to use the computer to not get anything done at work anymore

I begin work tomorrow, or at least the unnamed narrator that shares many of my biographical details does. Please look forward to what adventures I may have, and please, LORD, help me not humiliate myself. I purchased my first LSAT study book in 2002 and here I am in late 2007 ready to finally begin work. Oh, and get paid again.

Jittery!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Perfect for "Back to School"


Because it is the Year of the Yushityu 2007 Mimetic-Resolution-Cartridge-View-Motherboard-Easy-To-Install-Upgrade For Infernatron/InterLace TP Systems For Home, Office, Or Mobile (sic) after all...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Noggfoot

Satellite photos of Noggfoot have been obtained. Here he is seen on the phone with his manager;



storming away from the cell phone after the conversation;



and attacking paparazzi.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Death Reaper Stalk's Linc and Sarah's

(text by DC Nahm)

No one can hear me coming, it thinks, the shadowy form, purring across the unfinished porch. It cannot remember where it was before. There was dust, a man's hand, the smell of tuna--then it was here, with that ITCH. It had to have it. And now it was here--and hungry.

White socked feet padding softly--sawtooth tongue tired of the corners of dusk, ready to move on the couple. It had been watching them for weeks. It knew their motions, their schedule, what they ate--how they smelled. A flash. Something from its past. A bear? A flood of red? A sparrow in repose. Out-World. What did that mean?

It could smell its own breath, acrid and old.


It waited.

The man looked into its face. The ghostly image of a digital camera floated across his eyes. What was that? he thought. It is looking at me, suddenly sure that they needed to get out of there. He should have known better than to move into an apartment called Ancient Indian Burial Grounds That Were Desecrated Suites. Those jowels. His father!

The woman went to him at the window. He'd been standing there still for so long. She put her arm on his shoulder. He turned. She began to scream.

Why are you screaming? he asked, startled.

Oh, sorry, I stepped on a tack. This apartment is so shitty.

It stood and began to move its paws in imitation of the ancient rite.

The bowl of milk appeared.

Rwwwwwwr!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

"yes"

STONE KING aka KING-ED OF THE OUTWORLD defends his title against a whippersnapper from Turkey named BEAT MAGNUM aka TRUE HERO aka TAVE HEAD.

What shall we name him?

What shall we name him, this chipmunk who lives just outside our front door and likes to do the following?

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

756^

Last night San Francisco Giants outfielder Barry Bonds stroked the 756th homerun of his career into the right-center stands off Washington Nationals right-hander Mike Bacsik, vaulting Bonds past Hank Aaron as the homerun-hittingest player in the history of major league baseball.

Surely this was an historic moment, but how and in which way and why and how so? Surely many sportswriters, columnists, and bloggers will stroke the contemplative beard of history just as mightily as Barry stroked his homer right out of AT&T Park last night. Without doubt there will be more stroking of balls and beards in the years to come, and that stroking will doubtless produce many opinions and many not-yet opinions and many wise musings about future collective opinions and the wisdom and not-wisdom of history.

Steroids are weird, though. Did Barry take them? I don't know, and neither do you. But maybe you do, how would I know? Was Barry the only one who took them or didn't take them? Only Barry knows. And only maybe you know. I don't know who you are. Only you know that. Did you know that HGH is the first letter of each of the words human growth hormone? Did you know that that's technically not an acronym, but an initial letter word or something? I learned that at some point but sort of forgot what the deal is. DBBTHGHAW? Did you figure out that what I just said was "Did Barry Bonds take HGH as well?"?

Do you think that pitcher feels pretty bad that he gave up that homer last night? Or did he purposefully throw that pitch inside and at the belt, knowing that Barry loves inside and at the belt, that it's like his most favorite pitch? Did he throw it so that this whole discussion about passing Hank Aaron could be over? Or did he throw it so that the beard-stroking sesh could finally begin? He could totally be that kind of guy.

Here's some trivia: the Giants lost the game, so a lot of good the homer did them. Even if they had won, they are last in their division and are not playing any baseball after the last game on their schedule. That is sad. Another thing that's sad is did you notice how, like, when Barry got to home plate his son was there and hugged him but Barry didn't even hug him back and basically ignored the kid and other stuff? WTF? Why the fuss? That's what WTF stands for. It stands for that. It will not stand for less. How could it?

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Saturday, August 04, 2007

Look how he does, Sailor Lee

Lost in Turkey #6

On the eve of departure.....I am now officially a college graduate. Spending my final hours as a Duke student in Istanbul has been surreal to say the least. A few images from the past couple weeks that have slipped through the blog cracks:


An early Hittite statue.


Phalluses (would you say "phalli"?) for sale at a gift shop in Ephesus.


Turkish cat stretchin'.


Turkish cat frontin': "What the fuck are you lookin' at, chump?"


The view from Assos, on the Aegean Coast, where the temple of Athena is located.


The temple at sunset.


Interior of the Hagia Sophia, one of the 7 Ancient Wonders of the World. Big-ass church/mosque (currently disputed by Muslim community in Istanbul).


On the walk home after my last class, this graffiti appeared.


Saw this dog leaning out a window and immediately thought of Rikk. Why are dogs and Rikk so closely tied in my brain?


Lost in translation. I think this sign was written by a Gullah linguist.


Smoothin' it up with a chocolate cigarilllo (provided by our professor) on a boat on the last night of college. SPOILT.


Bonus footage from the Aegean Coast. A boat full of Russians doing the macarena. You should have seen the other moves they had. We dubbed the boat the "S.S. Skank". The awful harmonica music was coming from our own boat; the only cd they would play had that fucking Proclaimers "I would walk 500 miles" song and this damn harmonica song about West Virginia that turns into a mid-90s techno jam 30 seconds in.

And now, I must leave for my last night in Istanbul--bowling with Turks is on the agenda. See some of you on the other side. I demand a full report on the hoggin'.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Lettin' Him Hog

Today is the day that Ben has been granted an official license to HOG. Wish him luck in his quest for the "meaty" lady. (-Lauren)