Thursday, August 31, 2006

The Tropic of Food Presents The Nightlight Community Comedy Night Presents...


Music Director: Crash

Saturday, September 2nd, 2006, 10ish PM
The Nightlight, Chapel Hill, NC


Please come and celebrate the goodtimes and the bad with a full basket of some of the Triangle-metro-area's most talented or at least willing comedians. You WILL laugh. You WILL cry. You MIGHT vomit....

Thursday, August 24, 2006

THE BEARS (Actually them)


Unfortunately, very very unfortunately, we didn't have time to catch the show. Still. So close to the actual bears. So close.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Flavor Flav is selling his soul.

Fred Flintstone is selling his bass.


Well, for now, Audubon Park’s management is reporting that the band will indeed continue in its original lineup. David Nahms erratic behavior is being blamed on ‘bad meat’ from a Quiznos’ sub. Robert Biggers behavior has not been explained. Finn Cohen is reportedly still soloing. While the excitement of meeting countless celebrities was certainly enjoyable, there was something lacking about this FANCON. Maybe a little of the magic is gone. I’m not saying Audubon Park has sold out, but maybe all the success and hype the band is experiencing in the lead up to release of "Team Urge Hearses" has spoiled the charm that was our little secret.

Or maybe I just don’t like this kind of music. And I can’t believe a took off so much work for this nonsense.

As it turns out, the group Matt Kalb joined is not Audioslave, but Ayreon. I think I’ll follow him, and turn my attention to this far superior group. I’ve included some information from the band’s webpage below.

About group’s third album, “Into the Electric Castle”:

“'Into the Electric Castle' tells the story of 8 stereotypical characters from different periods of time who suddenly find themselves in another dimension. A Highlander, Knight, Egyptian, Indian, Barbarian, Roman, Hippie and Futureman each try to understand where they are and what they are supposed to do. It is then that a voice rings out from the sky to tell them that the dimension they have arrived in is built on dreams and fears. In order to find their way back to their own dimension and time, they must go in search of The Electric Castle. During the search every character is forced to confront his or her innermost fears, and not everyone survives the treacherous journey to the Castle. At the end of the journey those that successfully dealt with their personal demons find out that the voice belongs to an alien named 'Forever of the Stars', a member of an alien race living in a distant galaxy. These aliens created planet Earth and its people as an experiment so they could study, and hopefully one day experience emotions, as they themselves lost feelings eons ago. 'Into the Electric Castle' is a double CD. On disc 1 we experience the journey to The Electric Castle and on disc 2 we find out what happens when they arrive there.”

From the first track, on disc 2:

“Hippie:It's kinda groovyIn this world of fantasyWhere no one else can goWithin these boundariesI'm shielded from realityWithout a care or woe

Egyptian:Amon-Ra, have you come to seal my fate?In the garden of emotionsFree my ka, how much longer must I wait?In the garden of emotions”


Friday, August 18, 2006


The gentleman in the middle may be paired with a feline.

As a loyal fan of A.P., I’m sticking with the band even if reports that David Nahm fired himself last night and declared “Garfield” as his replacement turn out to be true. He was spotted last night running through the halls screaming, "Not the one from the movie! The real one! Fuck you Odie! Gimme lasagna!!!!!!!" Henry Rollins was being interviewed by two “reporters”. Word on the street is that he may be in charge of between song banter at future live A.P. dates.

Audubon Park Fancon 2006 Day Three

The attractive Mr. Spiker assaults me.

I gotta be more careful what I put on here. After yesterdays comments about Ben Spiker, the former drummer assaulted me on the street, shouting, “I am a pretty motherfucker!” I'll just say he's not my cup of tea and leave it at that. -ed


Cohen does not go gently into that good night.

Yesterday, Matt Kalb issued a press release that he had left the band and would be joining Audioslave on their upcoming tour. Representatives from Audioslave denied any tour plans as well as having heard of Matt Kalb. Kalb could not be reached for comment. Finn Cohen has been soloing non-stop since yesterday in hopes he can avoid being fired. They've turned out the lights on him, but he continues his bass playing filibuster.-ed


Lets get this party started!!!!

Things got crazy again last night. With close to twenty-three people in the room, I decided to lighten the glum mood that had descended over everyone since word of Audubon Park’s apparent collapse. So I gave Larry somebody, an Audubon Park fan from Michigan, the ole Abu Ghraib treatment. I haven’t stopped laughing. Really. AP’s management team issued a statement, neither confirming nor denying previous rumors, merely stating that the band is in the midst of a “beautiful transformation.” Lets hope for the best. -ed

Thursday, August 17, 2006


Upper management confers regarding the "escalating condition".


After this morning's report that Ben Spiker had been replaced by Malcolm Jamal Warner, rumors continue to swell regarding the make up of Audubon Park. This afternoon, Matt Kalb issued a press release stating he had left the band due to aesthetic concerns and will be joining Audioslave on their upcoming tour. More departures are rumored. Some are saying that David Nahm has lost his mind and fired Robert Biggers last night. Others are saying that Biggers fired Nahm. One message board post reported that Biggers took the form of Anthony Keidis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and began screaming the lyrics to “Breaking the Girl” at Nahm, who responded by reciting dialogue from “Phantasm”. I'll try to keep everyone updated. -ed

Audubon Park Fancon 2006 Day Two

Are these guys twins?

The always exciting Matt Kalb look-alike contest first prize went to Marty Burnwood of Phoenix Arizona(on the left), pictured here with runner up Teddy Sweetins.


This guy knows everybody!

The hype for “Teenage Hotties” continues as does the celebrity spotings. Tom Bergeron introduced me to Florence Henderson and the Fonz. Aye!


Peterson soaks the crowd.

This afternoon’s “Cooking with Nick Peterson” was cancelled after a surly Peterson began spraying the audience with waterguns filled with Wesson brand vegetable oil. FYI, Peterson recorded the upcoming AP album, "Tinnage Uses".

AP FANCON 2006-Making Friends Pt. 1

Fancon has always been more about the fans than the band,
and making new friends is really what this is all about.
Pictured above, some of my new friends. -ed


Cohen is little heftier after returning from Russia.

So this morning’s session wasn’t my cup of tea. Finn Cohen gave a lengthy talk on the aesthetic demands of bass tone. He started saying something about “modulating poles” or something and then started telling stories about getting drunk in Russia and finally just busted out a bass and started soloing. It was sort of awkward for anyone involved. Most of us made our way to the lobby and the hot gossip flying around is that Ben Spiker has been thrown out of Audubon Park and replaced with Malcolm-Jamal Warner. I have mixed feelings about this to be honest. While Spiker was a good drummer, he was never much to look at.-ed


There is a contest to guess the
ingredients of the above beverage.

Apparently the gentlemen removed yesterday, actually goes by the name Stingy, and merely claims to be the bands 8th fan, though he did note he sometimes “sits in with the band.” They allowed him to set up outside the hotel and sell his homemade beverage (pictured above). -ed


Pre- or post our Color Me Badd medley? You're guess is as good as mine.

Whoa boy. Last night was crazy. Where to begin? We may have traveled through time, I’m not sure. At some point, I might have sang “Tequila Sunrise” while standing on the Applebee’s bar. The only evidence that remains is the above photograph. Luckily I still got to bed by 10, as there’s now a total of 7 people in our room. I’m sure they’ll work this out soon, but what the hell. And Lyle snores. -ED

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


"If you hold an ostrich egg in your hand,
you feel almost god-like!"

The afternoon session was supposed to feature Ben Spiker, drummer par excellance. He apparently couldn’t make it because he was “stuck in traffic”. Strangely, Malcolm-Jamal Warner took his place behind the podium and proceeded to offer a 20-minute sermon on the benefits of ostrich farming. Also of note, the police had to come remove this guy named “Stinkey” or something, who was claiming to be “the 8th member of Audubon Park” who was hawking some sort of homemade beverage.-ED

Audubon Park Fancon 2006 Day 1

The Knights Inn Covention Center is a lot bigger than it appears from outside.

Took a little break from the Fancon to go back to the room and nap, and discovered there were actually two more dudes in our room. I called down to the desk and they said that’s the way it was. What? At least our room is right next to Tom Bergeron. As they say, what happens in Elizabeth, stays in Elizabeth, but man, that guy is smooth. Now I'm off to hear Ben Spiker. -ed


who above has the best chance in the matt kalb look-alike contest?

Finally into the conference center. Of course, the big news this year is that Audubon Park is soon to release their debut album, “Teenage Horses”. The anticipation of the album had the fancon in a tizzy. The artwork was leaked early in the weak, and it had bears on it. What? Word on the street is that advance copies of “Teenage Houses” are generating a lot of “buzz”. The “hype” the album is generating perhaps can explain that I’ve already spotted my second celebrity here at the fancon. None other than Jumping Jack Flash star, Whoopi Goldberg. I got Lyle to pose with Tom and Whoopi. Crazy. -ed


silvia(with walkie talkie) knows all the places a person can hide stuff

Getting my badge and entering the large room full of stands and displays for the first day of the A.P. fancon is always an exciting feeling. $215 seemed a bit steep to me, but it does include the hotel room which I’m sharing with Lyle Needington, a big fan of A.P. from Spokane, WA. He seems like a pretty good dude. Anyway, I had to wait a couple hours outside the conference center as there was some sort of snafu with my badge. Not a complete loss, as I hung out with my new pal, Silvia Portersmouth, head of security, who had countless hilarious stories of frisking inmates in her old job as a prison guard. I'll report more when I get inside-ed


(the view from my room)

Greetings fellow fans of Audubon Park. Excited to be reporting live from the AP Fancon 2006, here in lovely Elizabeth, New Jersey. The Knights Inn here was a solid choice, though the old “continental breakfast” scam is a bit played out. Luckily there’s a diner across the street. I headed over there to get something to eat, when who should I run into, none other than the guy who hosts “America’s Funniest Home Videos”. No, not Bob Saget. The new guy, Tom Bergeron. Totally nice guy. He said he’s actually a big A.P. fan and is here for the fancon. Totally sweet! -ed

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Mem'reez: Miami Vice Night

Candid shots of the Miami Vice Krew kickin' it live at SOUTHPOINT MALL for a mass viewing of "Miami Vice".

Ddoodd looking kinda like a retarded Casper the Ghost, attempting to jowl while maintaining a suitably "yachty" enough visage.

Umm, we all know who this is and what he is doing. Or trying to do.

Y'all seen that new Coke commercial with them retarded walrusi?

Typee, the sad pig

Album Art Sneak Preview

I'll probably get in trouble for posting this, but I'm just so excited about the new Audubon Park LP cover art that I have to share it here. I took both of these pictures at the beach this past weekend. Okay, here goes.

The front cover:

The back cover:

Thursday, August 10, 2006


Friday, August 11th, at the Nightlight (at 10:30pm) for your purest of enjoyments:

ON THE TAKE (featuring members of Piedmont Charisma, Manband and more)
DC NAHM (comedy of an empirical sort)
AUXILIARY HOUSE (Trekky Records Powerhouse)
DJs MOTHERSBROTHERS (What's up fellas)
DJ VIVA (What's up ladies)

Don't be ashamed.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Overseen on MySpace

It's shameful what some people will do for a lousy ringtone.

People who listen to Audubon Park likely to have sex with their cousins.

At least that's what I've concluded based on this study.

We Got 2 Pray Just 2 Make It 2Day gotta just scroll down this to get the full picture. The entries "Fishing With the Boys" and "The Redskins Dancers Danced Too!" are priceless. All those out of focus, tiny-pixelated photos from his Sidekick are just, magnifique.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Lost in Russia addendum--The Lost Photos

Just uncovered.

This is a security guard in the subway, hard at work.

This one needs no explainin', but it helps to know that it is taking place on the beach.