Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Y'all have fun in New York.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Whereupon our fearful hero embarks into something called "Art History 167". The focus of the class seems to involve paintings of some sort by people whose first names are plural but their last names end with vowels. There was a big spider walking around on the floor, and the girl in front of me called it to my attention by turning around and looking at me with a face like she smelled something bad. For an instant I thought it might be me, but then she pointed at Mr. Arachnid, creeping across the marbleized floor towards my bag, and inevitably, to the door. He had decided that he wasn't interested in the class.
So in class I did learn a new phrase: "perspectival riddles", which of course made me think of the missed phrase "perspectival diddles". Nothing else eventful happened, other than being told we had to buy 5 books for the class, one of which (coincidence!) was written by the professor.
Looking forward, on the syllabus: "Virility and Domination", by Somebody Duncan. And then, "Cubism, Primitivism, Diddlism: the Labial Spectrum in 1919", by Benjamin Livingston Spiker.
Robert: I know Ben Spiker. He can't be trusted. When the shit goes down, he goes to shit.
Finn: I know Ben Spiker and you can trust him--trust him to play a bunch of drum fills over my bass solo. (begins making bass solo sounds with mouth)
Ben: I know myself and I wasn't even in the band on Chiristmas Eve. I was in Cambodia. I was the drum tech for Cheap Trick on their last tour. You can ask Ted Bedderhead.
Ted Bedderhead: I don't remember anything from that time period. And I will sign an affidavit to that effect. And really to any other effect, wait affect. Shit. I just need the money.
Matt: Why are these cameras here. Hey, put that down. That's my son.
David: I know Ben Spiker but I know Matt too and I don't know which one over plays the most. Yes I do. It's me. I do. Because I'm good. Have you seen my Squire. It rules. Spell that with a Z. Zules. Oh, wait.
'Ric: I'm not in the band but I wouldn't trust anyone in Audubon Park for anything except to not tune my guitars and to not not eat my Burrito Mejor from Carrburitos while I'm in the can having the "Roehrig World Cup."
Verrie: I don't know anyone in the band but one time I saw a cat and then I saw a paper bag and then someone called me the other day. Then I took a nap. The next day I woke up and there was a letter on my pillow dated 1868. Weird.
Robert: How come noone said they knew me?
Finn: I'll know you if you know me.
Robert: I know you will. I've been to Rhode Island with you.
Matt: Audubon Park, what a bunch of sick jerks.
AUDUBON PARK: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TRUST THEM TO PLAY MUSIC AND EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN OR NOT GET YOU TERRORIZED? I DON'T THINK SO.
paid for by Grammy Nods for Jesse Helms, INC.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
From St. John Peeps, Pleasant Hill, KY:
Antonio Lemon was dead. That was obvious. His eyes were closed and he was laying down. But why did he die? That is what Jim O'Rourke pondered as he paced the empty--well, except for a corpse--apartment. And there were some empty bean cans and a small sofa--but it wasn't very nice. More or less empty to empty-ish. Devoid of anything good.
So Jim left.
He though back to how the day had begun. His alarm ringing. Then he opened his eyes and realized his alarm wasn't ringing. His room was full of bees! Run Jim. And he did.
After running all morning--in boxer shorts only (Charles Ives print [on sale at TARGET]) Jim stopped by his friend Antonio Lemon's house to pick up something to wear and wonder who could have put bees in his room. Unfortunatley his wondering was cut short when he found his friend DEAD.
After Jim finished putting on his clothes and thought about his day he decided that he needed to figure out who had killed Antonio Lemon--if indeed he was dead--and who put bees in his room--if indeed it was his room. Nothing could be certain at this point.
Jim finished the last can of beans and left Antonio's apartment. In the dark scary hall, full of ambiance and cirumambiance and fog stood a strange man--one who could know everything he needed to know about Antonio, the bees and the fog in the hall. That is, if he doesn't kill Jim first
Tune in tomorrow for the continuation of this thrilling story. And Submit your Jim O'Rourke FanFic today!
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
- Saddest blog. Or. Or. Or.
- We miss GO! Go is where more than one member of the administration of the Tropic of Food made love for the first time and by "make love" we mean "practice" and by "GO!" we mean "Robert's house" and by "first time" we mean "second time."
- SATURDAY, AUGUST 21st: AUDUBON PARK, POLYNYA, MOWING LAWNS. The Nightlight. 10pm. Be there and while there is a there love the place. Polynya is lo-kee space funk of the highest order. In a gleeming castle of steel in the sky a nameless creature is getting down to the air they move. Mowing Lawns are equal to or greater than all of nature added together. Folk metal? Is it possible? Yes it is and it is needed because America is in trouble. Audubon Park is celebrating our second annual being left out of the Indy Sounds Local. Big ups to the AP. Keep Reachin'!
- ToF would like to congradulate the US Men's Gymnastic team. Men's gymnastics is the highest form of physical expression that there is. Women's gymnastics is too. It is a tie. Two gold medals from my mind!
- Thursday Night is Sonic Youth night at the Cat's Cradle. Please send your Jim O'Rourke FanFic to audubonpark AT hotmail DOT com. Why did I type it like that? I saw it on the internet.
- We need more FanFic!
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
"The kings of crunk meet the kings of the button-down: at a press conference this morning, TVT Records announced that it will release a remixed ep by North Carolina witmeisters Audubon Park, with the remixing done by one Lil' Jon (minus the Eastside Boyz). The ep will be titled 'Crunkshanks on the Island of Mixed Diddles', and the tracklist is as follows:
1. Tonight! Your Booty & My Face
2. Go Shake That Ass, You Lazy B----
3. Trunk Full of Junk
4. Da Old Hizzy
Park frontman David Nahm explains how this ill collaboration came to fruition: 'Early this summer, we were playing at the MTV Beach House; Lil' Jon approached me after the set and said, "YAY-UH! MINE FRONK INNA BIG STYLE! 2GETHER WE MONKA MONKA MONKA! CRUNKSHANKS?". I agreed, seeing as how I've always felt that way about our music, and the band discussed it at length, since we were concerned about how our fans would feel about being associated with such, um, teeth. But when we actually heard the remixes it was kind of a no-brainer...I mean, he just took my vocal tracks and sampled himself smacking some girl's ass and the project was born. We're all excited about it; Ben actually got his teeth replaced with platinum after hearing Lil' Jon's drum programming."
Lil' Jon could not be bothered to comment in more than one syllable, but TVT did give some tour dates for the 'Parkers and the Eastside Boyz:
Sept 10--Myrtle Beach, SC: House of Blues (w/Lil' Flip)
Sept 11--Durham, NC: Ooh La Latte (benefit for Ms. Films, one of Lil' Jon's philanthropic foundations for 'da ladies)
Sept 12--Richmond, VA: Funyuns-Schlitz Ampitheatre (w/Switchfoot)
Monday, August 09, 2004
If you need to know more information you can contact Internationalist.
Also of note in the coming weeks:
- On 8/18 Hotel Motel is playing at the Nightlight w/ The Whole World Laughing, MDUB, and JAGUARO (very good band).
- On 8/21 Audubon Park is playing at the Nightlight w/Polyna and Mowing Lawns (both very, very good bands).
- On 8/25 Erie Choir is playing at the Nightlight w/ The Ants, Billy Sugarfix (of Evil Wiener, of course v.v. good), and America, Dear
It's a late Summer Tropic of Food infestation at the Nightlight!
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
As one of the founding members of the Audubon Park Official Fan Club and its current secretary, I’m happy to report the events of our most recent convention held in Gonadville, Indiana.
The fine folks at the Hill Crest Inn Motel were very helpful and welcoming. The soup was very good. Sadly our scheduled keynote speakers, Robert P. Biggers (A.P. Keyboardist) and Richard Lindley Cumberbum (Nahm family official biographer) could not attend as both were detained at the Canadian border on suspicion of ferretting.
Our Fanclub President, Gordish Horton, opened the Fancon by leading us in a rounding chorus of “The loud half hour”.
Several panels were held on various subjects, including Lyric Interpretation: Bees=Imperialism?; Tone: Kalb vs. Fripp vs. Frehley; Precursers: The Hundred, V. Sirin, Pete, El Debarge; Center of the Universe: The Role of Center College; Flem: Pro vs. Con.
The annual Fancon sing along was led by Harry Hurtz and his visible hand of rectitude.
The Audubon Park Fancon is ultimately about meeting and having fun with your fellow Audubon Park fanatics:
Henry Jurdt, Band Member Look Alike Contest Winner, Matt Kalb division
The Oregon Contingent at the Banquet:
Those Wacky Floridians!
Let the dancing begin!
The Wandering Yarberlers lead us in their own festive interpretations of Audubon Park classics as well as songs by Christopher Cross, Soul II Soul and their own originals.
The Junior Friends of A.P Dance Squad
Sadly, it all had to end Sunday. Time to say goodbye to all your friends. See you next year at AUDUBON PARK FANCON 2005 in the Quad Cities, Iowa!
P. Myrtle Hogglesmith, Secretary, Audubon Park Official Fan Club
ToF: How was this tour?
tN: Beleagured. (Sobs)
Ahh, but let's check in with alternate universe the Nein:
FoT: How was this tour?
tN: Hahaha? (Rolls in piles of alternate universe money which to be honest looks fake.) The Nein is wealthy beyond all comprehension because of this tour. No clubs screwed us. We made more than the guy working the door every night. Sometimes almost as much as 15% more.
FoT: What do you plan on doing with your new found financial security?
tN: We just custom ordered a Stretch Tour Escalade!
FoT: Oh, but it is an alternate universe stretch Escalade. It is really small. You should have ordered an alternate universe Le Car. That is a roomy l'auto.
tN: God, why have you forsaken us! (Throws arms upin a showy display. There is a lightening crash--very scary)
It is very difficult for good hard working Americans to make thier way. Let's applaud those that travel in small machines to be in dark places that smell--all for the betterment of our society. Please send all distance Reike to FC, RB and CB c/o Tropic of Food.
Coming Soon: Festival of Ninnies!