A word from our sponsors

Audubon Park Members for Truth

Robert: I know Ben Spiker. He can't be trusted. When the shit goes down, he goes to shit.

Finn: I know Ben Spiker and you can trust him--trust him to play a bunch of drum fills over my bass solo. (begins making bass solo sounds with mouth)

Ben: I know myself and I wasn't even in the band on Chiristmas Eve. I was in Cambodia. I was the drum tech for Cheap Trick on their last tour. You can ask Ted Bedderhead.

Ted Bedderhead: I don't remember anything from that time period. And I will sign an affidavit to that effect. And really to any other effect, wait affect. Shit. I just need the money.

Matt: Why are these cameras here. Hey, put that down. That's my son.

David: I know Ben Spiker but I know Matt too and I don't know which one over plays the most. Yes I do. It's me. I do. Because I'm good. Have you seen my Squire. It rules. Spell that with a Z. Zules. Oh, wait.

'Ric: I'm not in the band but I wouldn't trust anyone in Audubon Park for anything except to not tune my guitars and to not not eat my Burrito Mejor from Carrburitos while I'm in the can having the "Roehrig World Cup."

Verrie: I don't know anyone in the band but one time I saw a cat and then I saw a paper bag and then someone called me the other day. Then I took a nap. The next day I woke up and there was a letter on my pillow dated 1868. Weird.

Robert: How come noone said they knew me?

Finn: I'll know you if you know me.

Robert: I know you will. I've been to Rhode Island with you.

Matt: Audubon Park, what a bunch of sick jerks.

AUDUBON PARK: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TRUST THEM TO PLAY MUSIC AND EDUCATE YOUR CHILDREN OR NOT GET YOU TERRORIZED? I DON'T THINK SO.

paid for by Grammy Nods for Jesse Helms, INC.