Upon entry of class today, your narrator witnessed a dork named "Bagel" wearing a cowboy hat that had been fashioned out of a Coors Light 24-can box. Quite clever. As he chatted with the resident gorgeous hippie chick in the class, the two resident DUDEs in the class walked in and were quickly awestruck by Bagel's hat. It was sort of like the scene in 2001 when the apes discover the Monolith. The DUDEs, one clad in a Billabong shirt, the other in a trucker-style high school football team hat, couldn't take their eyes off Bagel's hat, jaws agape, as the walked across the room to sit next to this monumental hat, the closest thing to a monolith we have here at Duke. After sitting down, one of the DUD(E)s quietly asked, still in awe, "Is this a dagger I see before me?". Well, not really. Here's how the conversation REALLY went:
DUDE: Hey. Did you make that, or did you buy it?
Bagel: I bought it. Some guy tried to take it from me, that's why it's crushed right here (points to forlorn area of hat).
DUDE: Can....I.....see....it? I just want to hold it to see if I can make one myself.
(Bagel hands hat over)
At this point, the DUDE jerked stiffly upright as his hands touched the hat. A blinding light filled the room, and the DUDE was suddenly standing in a Christlike position, arms outstretched, light streaming from his eyes. He began speaking in tongues rapidly, and a huge cloud appeared over East Campus--it started raining Coors Light. Class was dismissed.