Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Bachelorette Fanfiction: Chapter Seventeen

[partial transcript of online dating site chat]

BachelorEx2011: Hey! 'Sup! I was on The Bachelorette. Would you like to seem some photos of my torso.

Staci9999: Excuse me?

BachelorEx2011: Don't you remember that show? I was one of the contestants. I used to be called Ben C., but now I go by a different name now, for a bunch of reasons that you don't need to worry about. I am compliant with all applicable laws. There are videos of me on the entertainment pods. Feel free to take a look. I can also ElectroGram you some private images.

Staci9999: Using my WikiImplant, I've scanned the available historical databases and I find not reference to you or that show. This dating site is supposed to be secure and free of falsehood. I am going to get my mother.

BachelorEx2011: No, don't do that. I'm cool. We are just talking. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything.

Staci9999: What kind of show was it?

BachelorEx2011: It was popular, really popular. You would have a beautiful woman dating dozens of men. This was before the Moral Entertainment Purges of 2038. I can ElectroGram you some still images. They are lo-rez, but I think you will get the idea. Physically, I satisfy all of the National Physical Requirements. Or did.

Staci9999: I'm sorry. How old are you? If that show was before the Purges, that was sooooo long ago. That was even before reproductive initiatives between people required licenses and were handled through the National Population Control Center.

BachelorEx2011: These stills are from when I was in my early thirties, but my CryoWell Home Sleeping System has kept me looking top notch. If you look that the lo-rez stills and at me from a distance, we look that same. I have hair.

Staci9999: NOTICE: YOU HAVE BEEN CHATTING WITH A NATIONAL SECURITY ONLINE PATROL BOT. A TRANSCRIPT OF THIS CHAT HAS BEEN FORWARDED TO YOUR SECTOR PATROL STATION AND AND AN INVESTIGATIVE GROUP HAS BEEN DISPATCHED TO YOUR LOCATION. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LEAVE YOUR LOCATION. ANY ATTEMPT TO LEAVE WILL BE DEEMED AN ADMISSION OF GUILT AND YOU WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT.

***BACHELOREX2011 HAS LEFT THE CHATROOM***

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