I am close, emotionally, with (anonymous) who is affiliated with the Swedish Academy (aka the Svenskaakademien), and that person informs me that the winner of the 2009 Nobel Prize for Literature is (highlight if you want to know):
Stingy, for returning moral seriousness to the gChat.
Congrats! Here are some early reactions:
Elfriede Jelinek: "This recognition is long overdue. Humanity has been returned to humankind. No longer do I feel the need to stab myself in the shoulder."
J.M. Coetzee (Via Skype): "I am hungry for beets."
Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o: "This could not have happened to a better literature prize."
George H.W. Bush: "This proves the resiliency of the American Spirit in the face of the horror of existence."
Richard H. Brodhead: "Finally, this University has an alumni to be proud of. We will begin printing brochures for the school tomorrow."