Sunday, March 23, 2008


...a moment to lament upon Rick Ross' new album "Trilla", a truly bewildering piece of work from a very large, very insane man. The word "trilla" is a combination of "true" and "real", and points to Mr. Ross' status as an extremely important, stupendously rich figure who loves sunglasses ("sportin' wood frames 'cause Oakleys for police"), money (see the song "Money Make Me Come"), and doesn't like chocolate milk ("he a deadbeat dad but he's far from dead/didn't know chocolate milk make you fart real bad").

In this video for the song "Speedin'", Mr. Ross indicates his position as one of "the best", then flees a routine traffic stop and jumps off a bridge in slow motion. This wouldn't be so funny if Mr. Ross wasn't obscenely overweight ("I'm weigh 300 pounds/and it's time to eat") and insisted upon his clumsy exit being shot in slo-mo. And never wear bright red leather when you're that big and you've been squashed into a tiny sportscar. Regardless, this song, featuring R. Kelly on the choruses, is the fucking jam if you don't mind the usual talk about large vehicles and lavish housing situations.

The song "Street Money", featuring Flo-Rida, contains one of Mr. Ross' finest lyrical moments: "I know I'm the shit/I done ate a ton of spam".

And then there's this interview with the man himself discussing the "Miami style" (which involves "a lot of colorful's warm down there"), his 2000 pairs of sunglasses, himself, and his tattoos, which he courteously displays at the end of the interview by removing his shirt and rubbing his man-boobs for the nervous British woman interviewing him. He's also got a pendant the size of a melon in the likeness of his head hanging from a huge chain. And wait til the end of the interview if you can, because he discusses his current obsession: buying a 14-year old leather jacket from one of Don King's assistants because he saw it the other night and he wants it. "Don, remember me? The coat...I need that."

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