Take Some Bowling Pins Bowling

>pin projekt auction>saturday, 25 june, 8pm>ooh la latte>durham, nc>>there will be an auction on saturday night at ooh la latte in durham to>help raise money for the troika music festival (formerly the durham music>festival).>>billy sugarfix and the torch marauder will act as auctioneers.>>regina hexaphone, erie choir, and the pox family singers will provide some>music.>>on the auction block will be 16 or so bowling pins that 16 or so artists>from around the triangle worked some magic on.

Personals

Steely Man
WM iso Significant Lady to trade "solos" with. Must like Hagel, telecommunications and G#m75bdim9. Turn offs: Bell, Biv AND Devoe. Turn ons: L. Tresvant. I'm a Marshall stack just waiting for you to attenuate my signal. Call Now!

420 Types of Love
Really WM iso special woman to craft gravity bong of love with. Must be interested in long term caddy position--you really have to enjoy carrying my bag, club and balls. Let's get caught in a sand trap together! (Must be willing to do some diving to retreive balls from water hazards--I need them!)

Bigg Man on Campus
ISO significant skanks into usage, meta-making-out and popped collars. Turns on: yachts (your fathers), laundry (mine) and watching you mow the part of the yard that I'm responsible for. Or: DFW fn iso ttl H002 2 m8k lief COMPLETED! Turn up my delay time and I will patch your cables. Holla!

Religious Honey
BLING!

DeFINNative Lover
Flip-flop wearing, Lobster hat owning rapper ISO lady to cut beatz with me. Must be a monster on the Ones and Twos, know about the Wheels of Steel and appreciate ART! Dre and Pherell hang at my pad alot, so all ladies must be patient and cool with "stuff." Billy Ocean record Collection a must!

Don't Passover Me
Bookish, librarian type SWF looking for Bookish, librarian type boy who likes books/libraries. Let's get lost in the stacks. Must be able to read and like being read to. Enjoys: Harry Potter; No Enjoys: Hairy Potters (No Hippies!) . Own shelves a plus, Amazon credit account a big plus, David Mitchell Look-a-like the biggest plus. Also, books, books, books, books. Whew!

SAD We Haven't Met Yet
Older WM looking for speical lady to ride out the final, slow years of my life with. Must like late (4pm) dinners, talking about soccer, and freestyle rapping (my own). I have some songs I've written, let me pretend they are about you, or you can pretened, it's your own damn life. My back hurts--help me carry my amp to and from shows and give me rides to the grocery store.

Joker's Wild!
Boyish--in looks and maturity--WM trying to find woman with good (untiring) sense of humor. Must find everything funny and have little to no desire to ever take anything seriously. If you find yourself thinking all the guys you date are to sincere, open, honest, up front, and not-totatlly-aloof-and-self-centered, give me a call. I might call you back. I might even answer the phone. Turn ons: movie stars in movies; turn offs: people in real life. Why the hell not!

The Misunderstanding

Husband: (Glancing up from a THANK YOU card) Honey, was it your Uncle Jacob who gave me the blender for my birthday?

Wife: (Looking at HUSBAND from the couch) It was a smoothie maker, dear.

Husband: Oh, right. (Looking back down) Smoothie.

Wife: (Tentatively) And--

Husband: What?

Wife: I'm sorry. I feel a little embarrassed about this, but his name is Charles.

Husband: Uncle Jacob?

Wife: Is Uncle Charles.

Husband: Charles Jacob?

Wife: No.

Husband: Jacob Charles?

Wife: No.

Husband: (Hand to forehead, perplexed) Wow. I feel like a real fool. I've been calling him the wrong name for eight--.

Wife: Six.

Husband: --years. No-one said anything.

Wife: I just didn't have the heart to correct you the first time you did it. It was Christmas--

Husband: Easter.

Wife: --and everyone was around and I didn't want to make you look like a fool. You were so nervous around the new family that first Christmas.

Husband: Easter.

Wife: After that there just wasn't a good time really to do it. I am sorry I never said anything.

Husband: Oh, you don't have to apologize. I'm the goof here. It's just that you have so many uncles --

Wife: Actually--I only have one. Uncle Louis.

Husband: But, Uncle Jacob?

Wife: Is second Cousin Charles.

Husband: Second cousin?

Wife: By marriage.

Husband: Second cousin by marriage? Is that even a real legal status?

Wife: I don't know. You can look it up tomorrow at the office.

Husband: The office? Oh, right. Well, actually--

Wife: What? Doesn't the firm have a Black's Law Dictionary or something?

Husband: I don't work at a law firm. I'm not a lawyer. I know you think that and really it was easier than trying to explain exactly what I do. You know the nuanced differences.

Wife: What do you do?

Husband: I service the Wiggler at the amusement park.

Wife: Oh.

Husband: Sorry. (Turns back to THANK YOU note)

Wife: You still had a fun birthday though, right?

Husband: Well--

Wife: (With disappointment) I didn't think you would want to spend it with my family.

Husband: No, it isn't that. I love your family. It's just that my birthday is not in August. It's April. April 4th.

Wife: Oh?

Husband: You got me that great stereo--

Wife: VCR

Husband: --when we first started dating and I didn't have the heart to tell you that my birthday was four months--

Wife: Eight.

Husband: --away. I'm sorry. (Rising to embrace her on the couch) I shouldn't have let it go so long.

Wife: No, no. It's fine. We've all done those sorts of things.

Husband: Right. The important thing is we have a blender--

Wife: Smoothie maker.

Husband: --that we can use to make our own baby food once the baby comes.

Wife: Oh, about that.

Husband: What is it?

Wife: I'm not--oh this is a little embarrassing--I'm not pregnant.

Husband: (Putting hand on her stomach) Oh, but--

Wife: Yeah. I have an eighteen year old son from a previous marriage. (Lifts maternity dress to reveal full-grown eighteen year old male clinging around waist, listening to walkman. He is covered in acne and frowns disapprovingly at HUSBAND)

Husband: Oh, wow. I never noticed him before. I don't know what to say.

Wife: I owe you an apology. You deserve better, a man as good as you are to me and my son.

Husband: Actually. I am a woman.

Wife: (Leaning closer and squinting eyes) A woman?

Husband: Yes. I'm sorry. When you asked me out I didn't have the heart to tell you I wasn't a lesbian and then after a few dates, well, there just isn't a good time to say, "We have to talk. I'm not a man." Hope you aren't angry.

Wife: No, not at all. I understand. To be totally honest, if I may--

Husband: Of, course.

Wife: I am--I don't really know how to put this--I am a gas powered weed eater. I didn't know how to tell you. Our courtship was so dizzying--I just got carried away forgot to say anything. Mad?

Husband: Oh, honey, of course not. I should have realized--you have such a petite figure. And you do love to spend Summer afternoons face- down in the long grass by the fence. And to think, all these years, I thought you were having an affair with the gardener.

Wife: I am.

Y'all are slack.

Somebody else needs to put something up on this thing. I know you have "jobs", but please. I realize Biggs and Finn have been out of town, but they get back today. Welcome back. We expect a full chronicle or your travels.

Da Winnaz were the best band ever.

eric plays tonight with a bunch of folks at Joe and jo's.

For Biggie's Next Birthday

Congrats Graduates!

They're all winners!

Where is the Nein?



So if you know somebody in any of these far away places where our boys will be playing, why don't you send them an email, and say "hey, go check out the Nein." Good luck boys!

Net Nanny Is Totally Fucking Our Shit Up

So, by adjusting the template on the computer in the apartment office--to add the Erie Choir link on the side there--we got some Net Nanny in out shit. She went in and changed the name of No-One Gives A Shit About Music Anymore to No-One Gives A #### About Music Anymore. Net Nanny (Shank fist at sky)! And now I have to fix it and I don't feel like it. She also won't let me look at The Movie Minder because of XXX: State of The Union. And when she does she changes it to ###: State of the Union. Oh, really protecting youth there Net Nanny. And can you belive it, she also changed Audubon Park into a seven peice beach music band that gigs up and down the NC and SC coast during the Spring and Summer and is available for parties and dances year round. We make $5000 a gig but have to pay for our own PA and don't get along very well be cause the horn players are jerks and the lead singer always wants to eat at Sizzler. And, if you can belive it, Net Nanny changed the Nein into a nu metal band that has a song on the Saw II sound track with an "awesome" video and and even "awesomer" making of video. The Nein, now called NeinFootCHUD is touring on the Miller Lite/Camel Cigarettes/Republican Party Summer Tour Sponsored by 96 Rock with Strange, who have been changed into a band called TumpBone and CGJ, who somehow have just stayed themselves. Also, if you can believe it, Hotel Motel have actually been changed into a Hotel/Motel chain called Best Room Innes. They have inappropriate room service and offer a continential breakfast and an incontenant lunch. Really Net Nanny, when will you stop breaking my heart. Get this, also by adjusting the template of the blog on the Apartment Office Computer Erie Choir turned into a turtle dove kept in a cage made of rock candy. The EC Turtledove could escape if only it knew to lick its cage away, but the EC Turtledove, unlike the real EC, isn't very bright and sits there all day, happy. Hell, ain't nobody gonna fuck with an EC Turtledove in a rockcandy cage. Just don't happen. Get me?

New Friends

Be in the Know:

Erie Choir has a website and so does Kitten War.

Sqee v 'Ric: For the Championchimp.

Only John Mellencamp...

can get way with having the lyrics "life goes on, Long after the thrill of livin' is gone" and "Suckin' on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freeze" in the same song.

I am envious.

Show photos

Click here for King's and Local 506 photos from recent riumphant shows.

Storge



DJ Storge: Saturday Night at Kings in Raleigh: Storge, Get Sum!

The Cat's Pajamas

David Goes Bowling

Forecasting Hypeness, Crunkitude and Severe Depression

Here are some blips on the horizon:

1) May 7th at The Kings Barcade:

The Nein
Audubon Park
Proof

At Night! With Money Required for Admission!!

This is the Album Release Party for The Nein's Masterwork Debut "Wrath of Circuits." I am not sure of the details (someone told me but I don't listen) but I think you can get copies of the new LP at the door. If you can't come, don't be a fool and not buy "WoC." Get is somehow before you are the only person who doesn't have it.

It will also be the release show for the new AP EP "TBINAPAJ." Five songs of singing and playing.

2) May 10th at the Local 506

Drag City Recording Artist and America's Funnyman
Neil Hamburger

with
Pleaseeasuar
Audubon Park

This show will probably be early and we will be first so don't come late unless you don't want to see us. If that is the case, it is cool. I don't mind, but why are you reading this. Maybe you hate us. I am full of shame.

Biggs mowed the lawn!

Come celebrate tonight at Duke Coffeehouse. Sames, Schooner, Erie Choir (first).
Or Tomorrow at the Big House. Word.

Typee says . . .

Check out the Standbys at the Cave tonight, 9 pm to later.
And get me out of this dress.

Happy MF Birthday, David

David Nahm (far right) during happier times. Mr. Nahm turns 30 years old today which has critics wondering: has Audubon Park grown too old and out of touch?

Full story.

Erie Choir's version of Purple Rain

is the best I have ever heard.